Mission Critical: My Tummy Hurted

I regret drinking the forbidden jungle juice. Monday’s objective was simple: infiltrate the Roman baths and obtain the secret elixir. The day started off like any other, I woke up early and got breakfast with a few members of the cream team. The beans were my fuel, the only food I would have for this journey. After I consumed more carbs than have ever been consumed in one sitting, I made my way to the rendezvous point. Shawn gave me my one and only ticket in, that was his biggest mistake, without the ticket he gave me I never would have been able to get to the baths. Little did I know getting to the baths would be my greatest mistake. 2 hours of train time later, we arrived at the destination: The Roman Baths (pronounced bah-th because why should it make sense). Before I could come face to face with my beloved juicy earth water, we needed to kill some time in this new land. Me and a few members of a rival team, the squirt squad, decided to go to the Mary Shelley museum. I knew nothing of this woman going in, and after leaving I only know that her life was pretty miserable and that she made Frankenstein. I did really enjoy this experience, up until we went into the haunted house basement and I had to hold hands with Ali the entire time with my eyes closed (I don’t like scary). Afterwards we split up and grabbed some food from a nearby sandwich shop. I loved my sandwich, but Ryan’s was just wet ham, butter, and unmelted shredded-cheese. And then… it was time. 

I approached the gray stoned building with bated breath. My knees aching from the journey and my mind racing with the thoughts of what lies within. In my hands I hold all I have ever needed, a ticket, perfectly shaped and colored. It holds the power of the universe within it. Granting me access to everything I have ever wanted, but punishing me by forcing me to wait for my gift. I walk inside, staring down at the architecture sculpted by gods. It was made for me. Thousands of years of history, just so I could drink the sludge of life. I could give less of a shit about everything else in that shithole of a museum, all that I need is that delicious and savory watery goodness. I even rushed through the room with the naked women, but I did stop for a little bit. After all rooms were looked at, all warnings ignored, all friends betrayed, and all my hopes piqued, I saw it. A singular faucet leaking the very gold that I desired. I filled my cup… and drank.

It was awful. It tasted like piss (I assume), and it was warm. Two days later I still feel the minerals fucking up my bowels. Alyssa almost threw up. It was not worth my excitement.

All in all, Baths was pretty cool. I might go back. Cheers.